body image & self love part 2

beautiful people by Ed Sheeran feat. Khalid

Hello and welcome! Take a seat – enjoy.

Since I posted the first part numerous questions about body image and self-love found their way to me. One of those questions was why I share my story – what makes me interesting enough to tell my evolution. In no way do I believe that my life is more interesting or exciting than others. Nevertheless, I write my thoughts about my journey down, not just to make it public or “whatever” – no. I’m writing this chapter so I can leave “self-doubting Anita” behind and move on. As cliche as it sounds, I write so people, especially girls, realise their not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Apart from that, I share my thoughts so you can get an insight look of someone else’s mind and open your mind inch by inch. Everything in life is a learning process from the moment you take your first breath – you’re learning. I’m not here to teach or preach; instead, my goal is to start a conversation about topics we feel uncomfortable about or usually ignore. Make you connect points you normally wouldn’t even consider. Now let’s move on to the actual item.

There is one Pinterest quote in particular that really got me thinking – “ignore what other people say”. Don’t get me wrong if it’s unnecessary hate comments please ignore them and for your own sake cut those commentators out of your life immediately. On the other hand, don’t just brush it off if someone gives you a compliment about your personality or look. Unfortunately, I have a couple of friends that can’t handle compliments although they deserve every little praise. Once you stop trying to convince the other person that you don’t deserve the admiration but instead thank them your subconscious will at point start believing it. Which, as a result, makes you feel beautiful inside and out. Some people use mantras and tell themselves, for instance, every morning “I’m beautiful – I’m loved”. Might sound silly to some and like the best idea ever to others. Self-love is all about finding what works for you. Although during this process, you should focus on yourself and be aware of your environment. If you’re as fortunate as I’m, you’ll have loving and encouraging friends surrounding you. Is this the case, concentrate on how they’re treating you with affection and respect. You’ll recognise that there is no reason not to love yourself – if other people can love you what prevents you from doing the same?

To be completely honest, I had to move to London to be 100% myself. I was “selfish” – I left everyone I care and love so profoundly behind in Austria to find the love of my life – myself. Just after a couple of weeks, I was unapologetically me. I didn’t notice that me being me had an impact on others till a dear friend of mine mentioned it. Because I was myself, I made her feel like she could open up to me, be vulnerable and simply herself. Let me tell you, making someone else feel like they can be themselves around you no matter what feels even better than loving yourself. When she told me I was so proud of myself because I could make someone feel the same way as London makes me feel. Even just thinking back to this moment warms my heart. What I actually wanted to say with this paragraph though is – sometimes you have to be “selfish” just to stay sane and true to yourself. If you need a break, take a break. If you want to be alone for a while – go for it.

see you next time

anita

body image & self love part 1

Hello and welcome! Take a seat – enjoy. Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of champagne on this rainy Friday in London.

Body image and self love are relatively controversial topics, therefore maybe not the best topics for a new blogger. But they’ve been on my mind quite often the last few days so why not start with a “BANG”. These topics are going to be a series otherwise this post would be way too long. Today I’m just going to write about my experience.

Just like a lot of other girls I grew up not caring about how I looked like till I hit those teenage years. I was never a “skinny” girl – I never looked like the other “pretty” girls. I’m short that’s a known fact so besides wanting to be skinnier I wanted to be taller. I was chubby, I still am but nowadays people call it “thicc” for some reason.

Thankfully, my weight was never really unhealthy – at least not for my body my mind, on the other hand, struggled a bit. At the time thigh gaps and bikini bridges were trendy and not curves. I was far away from both ideals so I got mildly “depressed”. I rarely left my house anymore because of my confidence simply being non existent. After a while, my confidence slowly but surely came back as the trend of thigh gaps started to move in the background. All of a sudden the Kardashians were in the spotlight with all their curves. 

To be honest from then on I didn’t have the urge anymore to look like any of these trends or body ideals. Took me some time to realise that I don’t have to look the exact way as the woman on the cover page of some random magazine. It was probably around the time I turned 16 when I started to fall in love with every inch and pound of mine. I wasn’t exercising to change my appearance. I kept moving so I would stay healthy. #healthyisthenewsexy

I’m not perfect & I’m not trying to be which is exactly why I’m so incredibly happy

When I stepped on the scale again in March 2019 after probably years I was shocked. People in my life told me I looked “healthier” and like I lost a bit of weight and to be honest I thought the same. As it turned out I gained around ten pounds. Although I knew that muscles way more than fat I was upset and sad for a whole day. What a waste of time. Sounds silly but numbers can be scary and frustrating but at the end of the day they don’t define who you are or who I am. It’s just a number – nothing to be afraid of. It’s like a mantra you have to say it loads of times till you start believing it.

Right now I feel great in my body and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I “exercise” nearly every day in order to stay healthy and happy. In no shape or form do I reflect a trendy figure but to be brutally honest I couldn’t care less. 

To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.

Ellen Degeneres

“Grown-ups” and “Books about puberty,” said “it will get better once you’re older” and for once they were right. 

Hope you enjoyed this first part at least a tiny bit.

see you next time

anita