when a dream comes true

feels by Kehlani

March 11 2019 – March 11 2020
when a dream becomes reality, your whole life changes

Hello and welcome! Take a seat – enjoy.

Welcome back – it’s been a while. I hope everyone is good and healthy. Just a little warning this post is a bit cheesy and filled with emotions. Basically, I’m explaining how I changed over the past year living in London.

I wanted to move to London since I was about 13 years old. People around me could clearly tell how in love I was and am with this city. Friends and family knew that I was going to move to London at one point. I remember distinctly how I was sitting in Hyde Park with two of my friends in July 2018 and how they told me that they can see me living here and that it would be sooner rather than later. (getting somewhat teary-eyed right now) Who knew I would actually do it eight months later. Hopefully, most of you feel home in your “home countries” – I didn’t. I felt “at home” because of my family and friends not because Austria made me feel “welcome”. London makes me feel at home, and it has from my first ever visit. Let me tell you a little story.

2018 wasn’t my year it was filled with more downs than ups. I was constantly stressed, slightly depressed and just felt like I was in the wrong place. The questions “Who am I?” and “What am I supposed to do?” didn’t leave my mind till December(ish) the same year. Precisely around the time I dropped out of Uni and decided to move to London. The new plan was to find a host family, work as an Au Pair and figure out what I aspire to do – basically taking a delayed gap year. It felt like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders. Even my friends reacted somewhat relieved – they knew I needed this; that I had to be “selfish” for once. Do what’s best for me mentally, emotionally and physically. I’m so appreciative for all the support I got – I couldn’t be more thankful. The amount of love I have for my friends back in Austria is unexplainable. (I’m sorry that I don’t text back faster lol). A special thanks to my Mom. She’s always been supportive, although I tend to change my mind quickly. Of course, a big thank you to my Dad, who has never questioned my decisions and continues to put his full trust in me. Also, thanks to my Grandma who’s always on my side and never fails to make me smile.

From the age of 14 to 18/19 without realising, I changed my behaviour according to the people around me. Dressed similar to them, started talking like them and so on and on. I was (still am) growing up so to a certain amount, it was normal. Nevertheless, I completely stopped “copying and adjusting” the moment my plane landed. It was a fresh start, so the perfect time to show my “true colours” – my true self. Sometimes a restart is crucial to leave unnecessary bullsh*t behind.
So much has happened over the last year so many great memories so many amazing new friends. I got back into all sorts of creative arts – from drawing to editing to “singing” and duh writing. There is no time in my life where I didn’t write down how I felt. Never in the style of a diary though. The amount of poems I have hidden somewhere in the back of my desk is ridiculous. Yes, surprise, she writes poetry. London has thrown opportunities at me, which included all my favourite arts which I’m beyond grateful for. The fact that I was able to dive deeper into all my hobbies during this time leaves me speechless. The last 12 months have been filled with ups and minimal downs. My mindset has switched from slightly negative to positive – feels like I’m finally breathing fresh, clean air (rather funny as the London air is so polluted).
A couple of the best moments include friends (new and old) telling me how they can sense how happy and confident I have become. So beautiful that people around me can recognise that moving to London has been the best decision I could have possibly made. I lost touch with a couple of people since my “big move”; however, it also strengthened other friendships. To certain friends I feel closer now, although hundreds of miles are separating us (I know I’m cheesy).
This past year wouldn’t have been the same without my “cheeky stalkers”, “sombrero queen”, “wifey” and so many other wonderful people. Each one of you has had a significant impact on me and made London feel even more like home. Thank you.

London brought out the real me. It gave me the courage to be myself, unapologetically. Every soul I met here made me either more self-confident or self-aware. Every person and everything that happened has been a lesson to me this past year. Although, off days have been rare every day was a “me” day. I focused on myself like never before. I distanced myself from characters that gave me a bad feeling immediately and pulled people with radiating energy closer. Overall I can proudly say that I’m a better person today than I was a year ago. I’m in a better place mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s thanks to London, which made me feel homely and comfortable from day one. Thanks to London, I’m meeting people from all around the world with the same mindset as me.

The biggest lesson I learnt was if you don’t feel comfortable or secure in your environment change it. Discomfort will hinder you from being the best version of yourself. It’s your life so please take it in your own hands. Please don’t wait for anyone to cheer you up (it’s not going to happen).

My London journey just started, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me: one year down and many more to go.

see you next time

anita

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